The Problems & The Positives
Sup Muses!?
Friday Nov 15th was my last day and as thrilled, excited & anxious I am for what next, I feel it necessary to take time and process my last three years. For the “So, I quit my job” series, I will focus on occupational wellness. Occupational wellness is one aspect of the wellness dimensions that has drastically impacted my life over the past year. What is occupational wellness (OW)? It deals with work/ life balance, it’s a sense of satisfaction of your chosen profession, it represents the feeling of productivity and purpose in your position/job.
Before I jump into this post, there’s some background needed:
I do not plan on trashing The Food Trust or complaining continuously, I am giving general and overarching concerns that were present. However, to provide both context and examples, I need to be transparent. This first post will explore the problems whereas the following posts will focus on other aspects of the process & explore wellness in this experience.
Why am I doing this? I started to develop a somewhat unhealthy relationship with my workplace, it was the first time I’d ever experienced the emotional trauma that comes with such a relationship and I had trouble navigating through the impacts within myself. I do not compartmentalize, so the effects of the workplace impacted other areas of my life including my health and livelihood, in significant ways.
This is my experience. TFT had over 100 staff in 4 cities and some departments/teams have a very different experience than the one below. This is mine alone.
Aight cool? Cool. Let’s get into it. #1: The Problems & The Positives
The Problems
In Oct. 2016 I began working at TFT, so I worked there for 3 years and 1 month. Throughout those years, I was placed on multiple teams, and for the past 16 or so months I was on, let’s say for argument sake, 3 different teams (departments), with different supervisors for every project/program who were different from my main supervisor, with three different check-ins and at least three weekly team meetings. My time spent in meetings was substantial.
If you want to discuss salary; the inequity and lack of transparency, then let’s get into it. I have my masters, years of professional experience, transferrable skills and have been making in the $40Ks for the past 3 years. Yall, $40,000-$45,000…that’s wild. There’s a DEEP stigma around salary so no one speaks about it . People are ashamed. People are upset. People are barely getting by. I get that. I was living home and if I wasn’t living there, I am not sure how my life would look (thanks Mama!) Just for context the President/ CEO’s salary in 2017- $199K. VP1- $174.K. VP2-$146.7K top earner for a director $125K. If you haven’t heard, general operating funds at TFT (article here) have been depleted and we have been running a huge deficient for over a year (over $1 million.) We must break down the stigmas and silence around salary. We need to get into the discussion around transparency in salaries, but that’s another post and should be authored by/with someone who organizes around it.
Moving on.
The organization has been around for 27 years, yet hasn’t implemented core values and therefore, there are no tangible guiding values. For me, values are the driving force in my life. Two of my biggest personal values/principles are integrity & respect, two I felt were missing throughout my time there. In 2017, I traveled to southwest Philly monthly for a coalition meeting & a few months into that commute I realized my hesitation with attending this meeting—I didn’t need to be there, the org didn’t need to be there. I understand the importance of being at the table, but we were sitting at too many tables. Leadership consistently wanted to be in more places without considering capacity and necessity of our presence. In 201 8, there was a “participatory” approach to create agency core values, but it was poorly executed and nothing came from them. Integrity means doing the right thing when no one is watching, being upright and honest. Yall, I struggled with the lack of integrity I witnessed & engaged in during my time there.
I want to touch on boundaries and my experience with boundaries being crossed or ignored. I’m open, but I’m private. On many occasions I was told that a statement was prefaced with “she’d want to tell you herself, but ” or “ She’s pretty private” then some personal matter pertaining to me was introduced. The acknowledgement of the overstep always took me out . Imagine me with my jaw dropping to the floor with a befuddled look, every.single.time until the very last day, I never got used it that. To add on to the overstep, the emotional burden that I’d have to carry out meeting & reminding folks of MY boundaries, which were known , is a lot to keep doing and ask of myself when changed actions rarely followed the apology.
There are more problems I encountered, but I won’t dive deep like I’ve done above: There’s no on-boarding process, misogyny- the silencing of WOC and women in general was both alarming and appalling, white privilege, the lack of structure and process for interns, a top down approach for decision making, a culture of we are all family so let’s all get along despite the glaring disparities and harm that inflicts on junior staff who need to be heard/helped , the lack of communication from leadership & much more.
Lastly, I’d be remiss to not mention the board. I was very concerned in the manner which the board carried out their 2 primary duties: Fiduciary responsibility and oversight of the CEO/President. The passivity of both duties ultimately resulted in the breakdown and chaos that’s currently happening. That’s all I will say on that.
The Positives
AMAZING people are hired. The camaraderie I had with my coworkers (now friends) is something I’m so grateful for. Not only for personal relationships, but also, they were great teammates and my support system.
TFT is still a leader the field and doing amazing work around food access & nutrition education.
Junior staff cares about equity, how we interface with the community and uplifting those most impacted.
I’ve learned so much. I can’t even get into the new skills I’ve acquired and my comprehension of the food system landscape.
I wanted policy experience in 2016, and I now I have all federal, state & local experience I’m ever going to want or need.
Great PTO.
My confidence to speak on DEI issues, connect social determinants of health with food access and other issues, make sure race, the community’s voice and youth’s voice are represented has soared. I speak up so much these days,
There it is folks! This is Part 1: the Problem & the Positives. Next, I’ll explore a few key moments of realizations, the work I’ve been doing to foster healing and digging into occupational wellness a bit deeper.
I know lots of folks can relate, so feel free to share your own story, tests & testimonies. The power of writing things out and sharing your story is healing and freeing. And as the great songstress Fantasia once belted out, “Go ahead and free yourself.”
XO- JM